Jumping the fuse

We just think we know.
I can´t go further in analyzing I am at the bottom back with me through this story.

I spent 2 hours locked in a freezy corridor. Because I jumped the fuse. And because I closed the door with the key inside. There was nobody in the office, last friday before Jesus was born at the time when he was crucified. Just obscurity, melting ice in the fridge and brutally silent computers. My ringing cell phone inclusive.

The corridor was freezy and the only warmer place was a cellar full of mould and rotting wood. I found my refugee there after I  switched on and off all the buttons of the central fuse and repeatedly put the whole house into the obscurity and back to the light again.

So finally an opportunity for Christmas meditation. I started wondering what this might mean.

My ideas turned to the lady in her late 30´s who I gave a lecture in Powerpoint a few minutes ago. She badly dammaged by difficult life she has had, she was telling me about prophetic dreams and ghosts she meets. Her husband beating leaving her, her daughter´s betrayal, her son dyslectic, her stubborn stucking in history and past injustice, unable to think things clearly. But when I was googleing a shrink willing to help her at this Christmas time I broke the fuse gear.

When I was looking for a mean how to set time back to its normal current I lost the light and the warm secure place of my office. When I was looking for anyone capable to let her forgive and set her time back to itself it failed and made me beating the door, breathing the stinky rotten air and try again by any means to unlock the door, but all the keys I had on me were not fitting anywhere and the landlady was deaf. The landlady was deaf, living on the first floor ,  offering me  a  blanket and a cup of tea  that  I refused  for the sake  of the solitude.

Was that meant some people don´t merit any help because they would lose their mission of being victims? Was that meant that the ultimate relief is hidden in us and those who hope in outer salvation don´t deserve being helped? Her pale skin and dark circles round her eyes remind sometimes we are not entitled  to offer any relief as those who long for it actually chose the suffering to shape their identity. Sheep chose and live their destiny.

And than I see Boaz who is constantly fighting for and longing for peace in his heart. It was my last day at work and last day at work before Christmas and a day before moving from my flat and a few days since we broke up.

I prayed in that shabby corner for the door being open again. I ran out of the house and tried the entrance door but in vain. No keys no pins I had on me were working. There was no other way how to get back to the chocolate on the table and tea in the pot and shrinks on the web that to wait for someone coming later. I was leaning against the door and breathing to my palms. We should not let the patience breeze, right? The passionate patience should take her time and not evaporate in the foolishness.

And than back in myself I was wondering about how to put all these things together and build one story.

It is so natural to want to feel Bet and eat Lehem. I don´t know how come some people manage and some don´t. My solution from the cellar you know now. I forgave myself in this foetus position and revert my time out of circles and became patient again.  At least for a while.

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Follow -up:

My boss came after 2 hours and opened the door. We repaired the fuse and had wine together.
The fool came to wish us merry christmas and gave us her first hand-made candle she had ever fabricated .
And now it is your turn,  if you manage to follow the story. You will understand better than me, though in a different way. Sense is always only a construction, nothing what we think exists objectively. We (just) both jumped the fuse the same day and we (just) both repaired in (just) the same time with  (just) the others help. 

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I can´t go further in analyzing I am at the bottom back with me through this story.

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