Československá literární komunita
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Přidejte seFeelings
01. 03. 2010
4
22
1802
Autor
Antik
Branches without leaves
Black currant fruit is still
So chilly
Sleep is near
Moisture, which returned
Left the country in a cycle
While growth rings in trees
Extends them many years
Twelve months will be again
So, it is every year
While tears of rain through the sieve of heaven
And evaporate before night step straight into the light
22 názorů
malinka_hvezdinka
02. 03. 2010aleš-novák
01. 03. 2010
Yes, I used "tears of rain", which it has already been used many times, but I used it in a different context than usual. I would like to ask what was no longer used? You are never used in your work, what has anyone used before? I doubt about that.
That is not what I wrote. I think your version is very carelessly translated. I am sorry that you did not understand, but I am not going to translate, sorry.
Good to hear your opinion, but does not affect my poem. I like the poem, and maybe somebody will like it too. Poem sounds good to me. Thanks.
aleš-novák
01. 03. 2010
V poezii nejde o to použít co nejvíce (neobvyklých) slov... tohle není cvičebnice. Slzy deště - to je otřepané klišé. Zvukově mi to celé nejde na jazyk, krkolomné to je.
schéma mi přijde zajímavé, i některé obrazy, ale budu se k tomu muset ještě vrátit.